New Year's Resolutions...

It's that time of year again, the time when we all make our New Year's resolutions!! I'm sure you all have your lists ready so that way when the big ball drops you'll have goals to look forward too. I've been thinking long and hard about my list this up-coming year. Every year I do the same old thing... "lose weight", "eat better", "no soda", "save more money". All of those are probably on your list as well, or at least something similar. As I was thinking about those things I realized that I wanted to go further instead of doing the usual lists. I wanted to make a resolution list I knew I could attempt and have some sort of success with. It's always a fresh start with a new year and I'm hoping that this new year will be a big one for me.

**2012 Resolutions**
-Get closer to God.
-Get closer to my husband.
-Get closer to my children.
-Learn how to knit and crochet.
-Read more with my children.
-Try more new recipes instead of the old ones.
-Learn how to successfully lose weight the smart way.
-Be a better friend.
-Sing when I get the chance.
-Smile at least once a day, even if for no reason.
-Find something good in every day.
-Be happier with my life and beat my depression.
-Be a better mother to my children.
-Volunteer more when and where I can.
-Do more activities with my children.
-Take better care of myself.
-Try at least once new haircolor that no one is expecting.
-Give hugs every chance I get to those that mean something to me.
-Figure out some exercise routine.
-Tell people how much they mean to me every chance I get.
-Learn how to relax when it comes to my children and their learning process.
-Not be so scared to try new things.
-Do more things homemade than store bought.
-Get a manicure and pedicure.
-Get a tattoo.
-Go on a date with my husband at least once a month.
-All around be a better person through God.

I'm going to do my best in 2012 to hold up to my resolutions. They don't seem that far out of reach. Hopefully 2012 will be a wonderful year for me and my family!! I wish you all the best for 2012!!!!!

Life goes on....

Well, it's been almost a week since I found out about the passing of a precious baby boy, Corbin. I cannot begin to understand what it's like to lost a child and to be honest, I don't want to know. The day I found out I cried. I cried for Ruth, for Cody, for Colt, for their families, for the friends, for the people who would never get to meet him, for everyone in his life. I cried because as a mother myself this was just heartbreaking. I cried because it hit so close to home. I cried because I actually knew someone who had lost a child. I cried a lot that day. After I read about what happened I picked up my kids and hugged them tight. Guinevere got mad and Malachi thought I had went nuts. I thank the Lord for giving me healthy kids. All that day I just cried and mourned the loss of a precious life. The next day I woke up feeling guilty. How could I have such healthy kids and Ruth just lost hers? I honestly felt guilty for having healthy kids. I thought if my kids were sick I could relate to her more and maybe understand a little better. I just wanted to be back home and with Ruth to help them out. Then my kids woke up. I started to cry knowing that Corbin wouldn't wake up. I fixed them breakfast and started to cry. Ruth wouldn't be feeding Corbin breakfast this morning.  All morning I was a huge well of tears. Every little thing my kids did made me think if Corbin and how he would never do that. I got mad that such a little life was taken. Then they went down for their naps that afternoon. I sat down and all of a sudden I started laughing. I noticed some blocks built in a tower in the middle of the floor that my son had done. I was to depressed and felt to guilty all morning to notice that he had built that tower. I hadn't seen him do that before. I felt proud then. My son had built this tower! YAY!!!! Then I thought, we have to keep building. We have to keep moving on. My kids didn't know this tragedy had happened, yet they went on. They learned new things. Then I laughed again because I knew if Ruth found out how I was acting she would kick me in the butt! When my kids woke up that afternoon from their naps they both gave me hugs. In those hugs I felt a bit of peace. Yes, this awful thing had happened but we all learned so much and gained so much from it. I had never known about Williams Syndrome before this. As I passed along their story more people learned about Williams Syndrome. Awareness for this disease was raised. Yes he was here only a short time but in that short time he made a HUGE impact in the world. I played with my kids that afternoon and evening knowing that Corbin was ok. The doctors did an operation on him to heal his heart. His heart did get healed. It may not have been the way we all wanted but it did get healed at last. Putting my kids to sleep that night I prayed that I could teach them something about Corbin. Maybe not today, nor tomorrow but someday I hope I can. I went to bed feeling a lot better about what had happened. Corbin was up in heaven looking down on us with a perfect heart. I knew that he wouldn't want us to dwell on the sadness of his death. He would want us to focus on the positive. Hopefully more people are educated on Williams Syndrome now that this story has been shared. 

In the few days since then I still feel a bit of sadness every now and then. There is a special place in my heart for a little boy whom I have never met. His story will always stick with me. The strength of his mother and father will always amaze me. The days have passed but his memory is forever. My son has learned a few new words in the past few days. My daughter has taken 3 steps by herself! I like to think that maybe Corbin is helping them along. I know he's helping me. As I am writing this my daughter is playing and figuring out how a toy works. My son is eating breakfast and smiling. Life does go on, we just have to figure out how to take what has happened and make it a part of us, hopefully for the better.

Ruth, you are an amazing mother. You have dealt with more than anyone should have to. You have shown such strength and courage and love. I hope I am as wonderful mother to my kids as you are to your boys. Thank you for sharing your story and journey. I know it's not over for you yet and I hope you know if you need anything feel free to ask. In the days coming though I hope some sense of peace is restored to you and your family. Corbin is so special and he has touched so many. Thank you for letting us be a part of it. We'll be wearing red and green (my daughter doesn't have anything red) on Monday in support and releasing a balloon. 

In Memory...

Corbin,
I want you to know that you have taught me many things in these past 3 months. Faith, Hope, Strength, Courage have all been a part of that. I think the biggest thing though is how to Fight. How to Fight for the right reasons and not to give up. Determination in getting there. Perseverance in during the Fight. You were much much much stronger in your 3 months than I have been in my 24 years. Reading about your journey has touched me to the deepest part of my soul. I will never forget your struggle. I will never forget your journey. You brought such joy to so many people, your mom and dad in particular. I hope you know your mother is an amazing person. She has kept her footing so firm throughout this whole ordeal. I have no idea how she did it. It amazes me that she can be so sturdy in a time of fear. I wish I had that. If it were me, and I were in her shoes I would have lost it a long time ago, but she didn't. I think you get that Strength from her. Your dad is a good man. I don't know him personally but I have seen how he has been there for your mother. I know he's hurting and he'll show is pain in a different way than your mom, but know little Peanut that he himself has shown a lot of Strength as well. Corbin your brother has no clue what is going on. It's hard to tell when he'll understand just what happened. I hope he knows what a lil' fighter you are and you'll teach him to never give up, no matter what the odds are. You have blessed this world with your presence. Thank you for being a part of all our lives even if it was for a short while. Keep watch over  your mom and dad. They need to remember that you are always there for them. Keep watch over your big brother. Remind him each and every day that you're watching over him. I pray that your family will get through this with as much Strength as they have had throughout these past 3 months. Corbin, you are not gone. You are still here. I can only hope that you're watching over me and my family as well. Give your mom, dad, and brother a hug from me, ok? 

Lots of love,
Erica

Sorry I've been absent!!

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I hope to be keeping in touch more often. Things around here have been hectic and crazy!!

No energy.

Ugh!!! I have no energy today!! All day long I have not felt right. I even took a 3 hour nap (thank you kids!!!!) and still felt crappy. I did manage to get the dishes and some laundry done though, Go me!! Malachi is hitting the terrible two stage and all he did today was test me. He gets on the table, I tell him to get off, he gets off, then climbs back on, I pull him off, he gets back on, he gets sent to his room. AAHH!!! Guinevere is soo close to walking it's not even funny!! She stood by herself today for who knows how long clapping her hands. She wasn't balanced up against anything!!!! She has also started eating real food. Not baby food anymore!! I didn't think she would ever start eating it but she did the other day and now she's good to go!! We still have to wean her off the bottle but she is doing great! I wanna know how much longer this "terrible two" stage is gonna last. It is going to be the death of me...

Exhaustion

Exhaustion - N: extreme weakness for fatigue (www.dictionary.com)

That is me at the end of today. Even though we didn't go anywhere the kids were on a roll today!! They just wanted to play and run around and get into everything!! Malachi will be turning 2 in a couple of weeks so he's hitting the terrible two stage! Guinevere is learning how to do things just like her older brother so I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off!!! They decided not to nap at the same time either so nothing got done around the house. The dishes from all day today are piled up at the sink and I am so tired that I am going to leave it until in the morning. I can barely keep my eyes open! One good thing about today is I have a couple more orders so far for the fundraiser I am doing for a friend of mine!!! I am hoping and praying that this fundraiser is a big success for her! They really need the help! 

We got the estimate for the damage for our car where it was hit the other day. It's a little over $5,000 dollars. Good thing we don't have to pay for it!!! They are basically going to fix the whole front end. I don't know if they will find more damage or not after they start to fix the cosmetic damage..... It sounds like a huge mess to me, but that's why I know nothing about cars!!!

I have not been able to sit down all day until now... my feet hurt. I enjoy playing with my kids but what I wouldn't give to bottle up just an ounce of their energy! I would be rich!! How in the world they can go and go and go and go and go and go and go is beyond me! I hope I'm not getting old. I'm only 23 going to be 24 here in a few months. I can't have "passed my prime" yet!?!?!?! Ugghh!!! Maybe I'll get some good sleep tonight!


For more info on the fundraiser mentioned above please click here


Nighty Night!!!

A perfect ending

Today was perfect. We did nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G all day long!! After a hectic and crazy weekend we were just pooped! Eugene left for work and the kids and I hung out in our jammies and chilled. It was so lazy even Maxie (the pug) didn't leave the couch except to eat and drink. I'm actually surprised she did that much. Malachi was enjoying standing on the chair looking outside (it was beautiful today in Germany and I think he was mad at me because we didn't go play). Guinevere just hung out and watched movies all day. I did get to meet a new person today!!! Hi Kitty! Hopefully we'll get the chance to hang out some more! Eugene came home and I was actually able to pour me a glass of wine and fix dinner peacefully! The kids are asleep early but I'm not complaining! The rest of the night holds wonderful quality time with the hubby before turning into bed early. I have got to get this house clean sometime so it's an early morning for me tomorrow. I hope your day was just as peaceful as mine was. These days are very rare for me and I'm so glad to have experienced one this week! I needed it!

A place to relax....

I need a place to relax, somewhere I can go to escape the craziness of the day. At the end of every day there are all these thoughts drifting through my head and I need someplace to empty them. I might rant after a bad day. I might rejoice after a good day. I might cry after a sad day, who knows... but I am among friends here.  I know that I can rant, rave, scream, cry, laugh, express concern and go crazy and I will not be judged. Ah, who am I kidding I know I will be judged but that's ok!!! I don't care if I am or not, what matters to me is getting everything out I am thinking/feeling. Who knows what will go in this blog, but hopefully after I am done writing each day I can sit back and smile. :-)